“The train will arrive in five minutes“. Think about that sentence for one minute, she must be in a train station you automatically assume, wrong.

Sure where else would I be?

Surely not just after walking into my sitting room after midnight to check on everything before I went to bed that night , himself away and  there I was now reduced to a quivering mess.

I was the adult in that situation and all I could think was some freaky ass ghost was playing tricks with me announcing their arrival on the ghost train or the fact that they were playing with the kids Toot Toot train station.

toot toot train.jpg

 

 

Or throughout the day at varying times  but ALWAYS when I am  on my own the lovely door creaking noise from the Fisher Price laugh and learn house will sound out causing me to raise the wooden spoon in defence against whatever had just come through the door. There is nothing more eerie sounding than that door creaking noise when you are on your own and there are no visible children playing with it.

Yeah it’s a great toy which has taken the twins from babies to toddlerhood and gets played with on a daily basis but I cannot wait for the day that doorbell no longer has the opportunity to chime and scare the bejaysus out of me when I am on my own.

 

 

 

 

If I say “ I’m a friendly light up bear I’ll teach you 1,2,3 ” I bet you know that cute little fecker of a toy Alfie. Cute for five minutes but after twins (who got about 3 each as a present and we are very grateful like any parent are receiving noisy gifts) press the buttons fifty million times I wonder does Alfie malfunction and once the kids are in bed turn into the “I’m a friendly light up bear, I’ll freak you out 1,2,3”.

 

Minions randomly talk jibberish at me as I pass their invisible tripline, nearly sending me ten foot into the air ,thankfully never with a child in my arms!

 

 

minion

 

 

It would appear that my kids toys are destined to send me to the doctor.

 

These toys are bright funky colours , adorable and cute during the day, saviours to any parent who need five minutes to eat, go to the loo, drink coffee. Now think of an evil Toystory, these toys get their revenge on our kids rough handling them by frightening the living shite out of mammy and daddy once the kids are in bed. Why are these toys malfunctioning? I reckon the manufacturers have night-time sensors on them and some operator bored one night at work thought wouldn’t it be hilarious to play on the minds of tired parents.

 

You know when the toy baby starts crying after being put down to bed by your little girl hours earlier ,that happens so you never forget that you are a parent not even for those five minutes you have looked forward to sitting in silence for all day long .

 

 

 

Bored cooking dinner?  Let the “laugh and learn” house keep you company by playing the counting song over and over whilst your kids are on the opposite end of the room and there was no way they could’ve gotten to the button and back . I sometimes wonder does steam affect these toys? I continue to not “laugh nor learn” when it decides to make its presence know! Maybe I need to give up cooking and see does the door stop interacting with me.

 

 

Whatever revolt my kids toys are obviously having I wish they would choose a different method than playing mind games with me or if they wish to frighten me could they do so when I am not under pressure and tired or preferably daylight hours would be best. Otherwise everything battery operated may soon see themselves confined to the “broken toy bag”.

 

Wooden toys are better all round these days anyway aren’t they? 

wooden clowns

 

Advertisements