If there are two words that I hate hearing more than anything in this world it’s the words “surprise eggs” coming out of the twins mouths.

Have you ever seen soon to be three-year olds tantrums when you won’t give them your phone so they can watch random strangers, way older than I thought the acceptable age, playing with miniature My Little Ponies and Paw Patrol figurines?

I have a question. How does someone go about waking up one morning and deciding that they need to go get some plastic eggs, some miniature kids toys and Playdoh, and then decide to video themselves peeling and picking apart these plastic eggs whilst adopting a voice only dogs and young children can hear?? They also decide to adorn their nails with some lovely nail art, because of course toddlers love nail varnish! And to top it all off, they dig out the most annoying backing tracks to play whilst they have very over-exaggerated fun showing their audience their surprises.

I have come to a conclusion, these people hate parents.

They know that if they load these videos ,our kids, for some strange reason I have not quite figured out yet, will obsess over and drive Mammy and Daddy demented to watch them. I know that we hear of people apparently making millions by recording these YouTube clips and I have thought about doing it to make millions myself, but I will not inflict any more damage on other parents. This has to stop!

I don’t even remember the day the twins first came across these clips, it’s not like they have access to phones to scroll aimlessly through. In fact it’s not very often the twins get the phone, but you know those few minutes where the child has been attached to your legs for the day or you’re out in the restaurant and you just need a few minutes to finish off your dinner or do a quick tidy up and the mini crèche you have in your sitting room has no “good toys” to play with? It’s very easy to bring out the phone or the iPad and let them go online through pre-watched child friendly videos.

Did I mention the tantrums? Try and take a phone off a toddler mid surprise egg unveiling and it’s like negotiating for your life, their grip would shock you! I actually think these videos are a form of child hypnotism, there must be some hidden message in there that makes them so watchable. Let me clarify that there is nothing dodgy in the ones my children watch as we have had the pleasure of watching the clips first to make sure they are safe. No amount of times of watching these have changed my perception of them. So I am calling bullshit on not the surprise eggs because actually doing it with your kids is fun but I am calling bullshit on the grown people with their squeaky voices and glittery nails who upload these videos.

Even Peppa pig would be a welcome reprieve at this stage and all is forgiven Baby TV,  bring back that annoying little Hennry’s hungry. At least he is somewhat educational although last I heard pool old George’s restaurant is still out of everything!

 

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